"Out of the Answer"

I haven't written anything in while.  It's not that I haven't been inspired, just that there's been a lot going on.  My name came up on the waiting list for a wheelchair accessible apartment in Los Angeles.  I went out there to check it out, it was absolutely beautiful.  Moving out there would mean I'd have to reapply for attendant care which would take at least five months, so I'd be totally at the mercy of whoever I'd meet out there that could help me take care of myself and my apartment for free???  My family and all my friends are here on the east coast, I hate the snow and I hate the feeling like I'm not going anywhere with my life. I feel trapped most days and I'm still worried about staying in Fairhill (Philadelphia HUD/projects), its not even the fires or creepy dude waiting to jump me outside my door but from the anxiety and depression on top of my medical problems. Been trying to get out more at night and do open mics, and figure out my life with planning and organization.  Just thinking about the whole situation I wrote this tonight:

Janiceps

Took our first steps

And fell

Like acrobats and nymphs

going down acronyms

Tired islands

getting enough

rest

to look

their best

I

don’t need

To be

happy

To live this way

It’s out of the answer

I’ll let you stay

Testa my tester

Makes me say

Yes sir

It's hurry

I’m blurried

Like pre-cards

And tail dimes

Dying to be supine

Landing a plan

I

don’t need

To be

happy

To live this way

It’s out of the answer

I’ll let you stay

(Photo by: Kiki)

       

"Shapes of Our Tears"

A close friend of mine sent me a scientific journal article about how they'd found that the different kinds of tears (sad, happy, etc) actually have different chemical compositions and molecular shapes.  I thought that was something beautiful enough to write a song about.

(Tears of change.  Taken from http://www.lifebuzz.com/tears/)

"Shapes of our tears" ©2014
click here to listen

I got you an island

Traded away the whole ocean

Sold off the sky and

Gave out solid ground

And you are not mine and

Ends to ends

We all go around

We are worlds changing

year to year

Forming to

the shapes of our tears

We played in the school fields

You said the happiest sight was a bag

I fell,

you broke my frown

When you said you saw the lightening

The storm never ended

It just got caught in a factory machine

The facts were made

according to

The farther dreams

And nearer fears

That formed

The shapes of our tears

And you are not mine and

Beginnings to begin

We all come around

We are worlds changing year to year

Forming to the shapes of our tears

"Vide Supra"

In January I met with Dr. Frasier Henderson, top Chiari-EDS Neurosurgeon in the world.  He told me that he believed my arm and leg weakness was from compression of my spinal cord due to my craniocervical fusion and lower lumbar instability from my detethering done by surgeons at the Chiari institute.  I'm having more tests done in May, a special "sitting down" MRI because the lying flat ones do not show instability.  Just hearing that there might be a way to regain more independence of life and relief from some of this inspired a song.  "Vide Supra" is the Latin used in the dictionary for "see above" for a definition, but I chose it to represent optimism.

Vide Supra ©2014
click to listen 

Drawers full of jacks
And hammers on my back
And planners full of slack
collar
ahhhh

Door mats laying dormant
On a floor of floriations
And the varied variations
Are very lost relations

What if there’s a vide
To the upper side
A vide supra to go
Ahhh
Returning verve to another page
A moxie by proxy

Ahhh

I remember stepping over
Cracks in the path
Afternoons of clement union
Sinew to sinew

0ooh

Scuzzy brass tacks
In panic baskets
And relax caskets
Ahhhh

Take me lying flat
and you wont see where I’m at
Bend me back to analepsy

Can you read the vide
To the upper side
The vide supra to know
Ahhhh

Serviced nerves in a stalwart aisle
A new street, a macrocosm
Of emerald possibility hills

Any movement I can mountain
While I’m still alive
Take me here
I’m more than willing
Won’t you let me lie to myself?

"Ship of Leaves"

I'm never going to have a "normal" life, not that there is such a thing.  It really has little to do with the Ehlers Danlos or any disability stuff, I'm just a free-spirit that doesn't feel the obligations of the standard get-a-job-get-married-raise-a-family world.


"Ship of Leaves"
click to listen

How do you see
uncharted parts of me
I was a sailor once
on a ship of leaves

Won’t you come
travel around
to a dépaysé side
bring all the things 
we can lose there
diffluent dares
vale out to those cautious cares
floating stones we move there

How do you know
which way to go
I was a naked mermaid once
in a sea of snow

So come
dabble around
with the dépaysé side
leave all the judgers outside
swing on the strings
like the spiders in spring
and bring the lost to life

Now do you see
my impunity
I’m am now and forever
on a ship of leaves

"Pareidolia"

Pareidolia is a the quixotic phenomenon where people see deep meaning and "signs" in things that really have little or no meaning at all.  Being an artist and a dreamer, with almost all of my intimate relationships I tend to over-romanticize things and overlook reality. This song is just the acknowledgement of that fact.

"Pareidolia"
click to listen

Fields of feeling and sand

Demons high in demand

Rubber bands

and the guitar plays the oceans

taking a swimming stand

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

I want to hold ya

Flumes of fugacious truth

Rush the touches of youth

Old as holes

That the leavers loved down in us

Left me blue and imbue

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

I want to hold ya

Petrichor, a once more

In a store of “I am yours”

Restrain the rain

And shower with your flowers

Don’t read the signs, see the doors

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

Pareidolia

I want to hold ya